Four years before Covid-19, I saw a dude get punched square in the nose over a roll of toilet paper. That's when I began to notice how self-centered people can be."
"I want so bad to tell these youngsters that the #1 thing they are jeopardizing by breaking the law is relationship(s) with women, making crime one of the gayest risks in the world, but I am learning discretion with some of the newer groups coming about."
"I sincerely doubt there are any gang members in outer space or working at C.E.R.N., but there are likely gang members who will argue about that."
"I think skydiving from the stratosphere with a NASA suit on is cool. The same people who call me lame are the same ones who sell crack cocaine to pregnant women with no remorse."
"If you want to be different, stand up for the police inside the penitentiary."
"If you want to advance a species, support the highest form of government. To orchestrate chaos is devolution, and tribal systems are still literally primitive."
"If you are going to be gungho about something, why don't you be gungho about the men in uniform who risk their lives every day protecting people who frequently spit in their faces."
"If you truly cared about white people, you would never use the 'N-word'. That inspires racial tension towards the elderly people of your race." - I have told many white inmates this.
"If you could travel back in time, you would lose all the people who care about the person you became." - An important concept for people who have lengthy sentences like mine.
"After some research, the plausibility of drugs being made from feces and urine is a great reminder to stay clean."
"Men in prison think 'etiquette' has to do with the exhibitionism and the proper way to expose oneself." - I don't know if they are wrong about that or not.
"If you sell drugs, you also support child porn. The drugs require smuggling, and the smugglers don't care what the product is."
"Nowhere did Jesus say, 'you don't need to know the law'"
"Tripping was never a good thing. It's how careless people get hurt."
"Until they become involuntary, volunteer your thoughts towards better ideas."
"Never let 'Blooper shows' alter your natural reactions to painful events - parachuting into the side of a trailer is NOT funny"
"Everyone should visit the psych ward as a patient at least once, for being a liar."
"It's always good to repeat yourself, just not the same dumbsh**."
"You've got to receive, unless you are a parasite."
"Always bail out when you're on a roll."
Toon Attack": 1. When a K2 user thrashes, screams, vomits, has a seizure, or other excruciating experience that causes a scene. 2. A K2 drug overdose (usually lasting less than 15 minutes)
"I may NOT be guilty of the crime I was convicted of, but I deserve every year I have spent here thus far."
"I can see how the injustice of the justice system is injustice to the justice due." (Brian says that judging a human's intentions is premature judgment, but inaccuracy may be necessary, for while we are here.)
"Learning does not feel good, because it is difficult. Triumph over victory in retrospect IS what fun is. If you want food to be fun, make it difficult."
"We should all thank God that there are people who religiously practice forgiveness, especially now with the advances being made in technology, breakthroughs being made in physics, and lines being pushed with metaphysics."
"People must remember that prison is also a sanctuary away from those who seek revenge. Away from bloodthirsty, unforgiving hypocrites."
"Learning does not feel good, because it is difficult. Triumph over victory in retrospect IS what fun is. If you want food to be fun, make it difficult."
"We should all thank God that there are people who religiously practice forgiveness, especially now with the advances being made in technology, breakthroughs being made in physics, and lines being pushed with metaphysics."
"People must remember that prison is also a sanctuary away from those who seek revenge. Away from bloodthirsty, unforgiving hypocrites."
"Vision, hearing, taste, touch, and smell are ALL common senses! Let's START the argument there!" (Brian, like many, becomes angry during debates about common sense)
"You don't spit crack. Those are called 'tonsil stones' and either way they should go in the garbage." (Brian is a big fan of Edovo and their mission to educate incarcerated people)
"If you are looking for a mind-altering experience, try public speaking. Drugs still rank number one as the biggest waste of time in my life."
"When your team sucks, you don't burn down the stadium. You tell the coach that team members need to be removed, or trained differently." (Brian claims the true Police Reform will stem from Police Advocacy)
"If you have ever lived in the South without air conditioning, you'd understand why mildew needed a high priest to remove it (in the Old Testament)"
"I've got a fever. And the only cure is more Advocacy."
"bandit": 1. A euphemism used to describe a closeted homosexual predator in the penitentiary. 2. A man who will befriend another man for years, then rape him at the most opportune moment.
-"If you can't explain to me in detail what's happening inside of a baking soda/vinegar volcano, then DO NOT try to school me on how you are a meth cook."
"We MUST become involved in Police Reform and Police Advocacy."
"As a kid, I was inspired by how Jackie Chan did all of his stunts. Now I advocate for the Police in the penitentiary."
"My THEORIES ABOUT The Holy Spirit PULL ME AWAY from The Holy Spirit. And it is a good thing to realise this."
"Ho": 1. Someone who is too scared to fist fight. 2. A foundational word used as prep work for future punking.
"How will you stand tall spineless? SaltwaTafree is brineless." (Brian often meditates on 'spiritual preservation' and 'living water')
An inmate who will spy/peep on other men while they are showering to see them naked. *This can occur in the single-man showers and the 20- 30+ man showers.
"Dirty Mack": 1. A male who will slander other males to gain favor with females. 2. A man who will spread rumors or insulting information about other men in an attempt to get laid. "
"The sad part about studying comedy is finding out how many things AREN'T funny. This can be an extremely embarrassing process that frustrates, angers, and numbs. But there IS hope, and the resulting laughs are worth it."
"Police Reform is no laughing matter, neither is death, nor life imprisonment, or overly aggressive alligators.." (Brian reflects on the beautifully ironic, tragic death of Steve Irwin, who was pierced through the heart by one of his favorite, most gentle of sea creatures.)
Reason #66 "... because today, people may start poking their heads out of their own asses, like gophers at daybreak."
"One of those world damaging ideas is: your TRUE self comes out when you are drunk or high. When the truth is, NO, you ARE NOT your true self when you are drunk or high."
"Unless you want to explain to me how a platypus is a mammal or how the TseTse fly gives live birth and secretes milk, don't try to talk to me about Darwinism vs. Creation." (Brian compares 'God Technology' to an 'A.I. cold fusion nuclear reactor beam that turns clay into blood using femto technology' and that 'God could have just as easily started His humanity project with protocell formations inside hydrothermal vents)
"When people fail to let go of humiliating internet videos, I envision a Christ perpetually crucified. 'He is risen' is pure genius."
Reason #67 "...because SURELY there is a better, smarter way, to combat depression."
"I use to get offended when Christians would imply I was an infant that must return to 'milk'. Then much later, I envisioned armies of enzymatic machines deployed from swarms of self-replicating microbes terrorizing the minds of the masses. Everything will be alright little babies-- it's only cheese." -"Relearning to forgive, to respect, and to love people is so incredibly important BEFORE participating in complicated subject matter that affects the lives of other people." -"Imagine what a prisoner would feel like to have his entire criminal record forgiven. Ideas similar to this one are worth WORSHIP." - Reason #68 "...because your life affects the lives of others in a major way."
"Comparing the power of belief to a 'collapsing wave function' removes The Holy Spirit from the equation. A comprehensive method describing how to perform a miracle would be TOO MUCH information for one human brain to process. Reliance upon an omniscient God is how common people can become part of amazing things."
"Apparently, if you carefully set a Cheerio afloat in a bowl of water, a small magnet can move it around. C'MON MAN! Everybody knows Cheerios aren't magnetic! Right? (Brian contemplates how Moses COULD have parted the Red Sea using some sort of oat bran and polarized oxygen nuclei)
Reason #68 "...because it is yet ANOTHER miracle that you are alive here today." (4/26/25)
"When A.I. generates 'The Gospel According to Dracula' at near light speed, humanity will have reached a turning point. Nearly anything will be scientifically feasible, and it will be up to us to decide which information to devote our short time on earth studying. Choose good." (Brian envisions purposeful mistakes and purposeful hypocrisy designed to ensnare attention spans for longer lengths of time to embed more suggestions.)
Reason #69 "...because you are NOT a vampire. Vampires suck. Enough of the ebb and flow of BULLS---!"
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